As September is approaching steadily and this was the first day of the new semester, I thought it fit to write about these past few months and share some of the rejuvenating I was blessed by. This is the first part.
Last semester, mostly towards the end of it, I found myself drained spiritually, mentally and physically. The stress of finishing all projects for the mechanics courses took its toll on me. I had a few days after school to pack up my stuff in order for them to be moved to a new house a couple later that summer. The move would happen without me there, because I was traveling to Sweden before that happened. All I sought for was some rest and some time to invest again with God who is the purpose of me doing all of this aviation study in the first place, but the stresses from school and the pressure to perform well still followed me across the Atlantic Ocean. Knowing that the next semester would be tough (perhaps tougher than this last one) and that a big exam is coming up in late October, I started to fear this task that lies ahead. I also discovered that the dollar compared to the Swedish krona peaked some weeks ago making the dollar about 20% more expensive in comparison to a year ago. I considered the extra dollar that I would have to pay for every $5 I used and it was not a pleasant thought.
I was afraid. I was afraid that I would not be able to recover from the dept that this financial situation would force me into. I was afraid that I perhaps did not have the performance capacity to finish school. I was afraid that perhaps I was going down the wrong path. I lingered too much on these thought that I almost started believe in that these were too great to be conquered. It took me at least a couple weeks and several divine interventions (that I will write about in upcoming posts) to make me realize that this fear was not real. For me it is so easy to fall into this trap of perceiving a seemingly legitimate concern and thinking of it as an obstacle that I cannot overcome. Suddenly, without realizing it at first, I have become afraid because I started seeing this conclusion as truth. My way of thinking about or my understanding of an obstacle, therefore, will determine how I feel about it. I started thinking that school would be too much for me to bear and in me grew the fear of failure.
In all reality, I had not reason to be afraid. I did not understand this at the time, but the fear I carried was solely a lie based on my view of a circumstance. I later traced my thought process back to the root where the fear stemmed from and slowly could convince my heart that I just had started believing in the conclusions of my own faulty thinking. My point here is that it is possible that our fears are many times only results of considering circumstances in the wrong way. In my case above, I later concluded that the final word is not said yet concerning my education. I haven’t failed yet and I do not know what the exchange rates will be in the future. For now I trust to follow Jesus where He seems to be leading and I’ll run this race until it ends… wherever that may be.