Lately I have had some struggle to be diligent with with different tasks I need to do around me. It has been, and actually still is, a bit hard to find motivation to get the things done that I need to do. I am not very motivated in school right now for some unknown reason. I am also in the process of finding a new room mate for next semester because my room mate now is graduating and moving out in a couple months. There are a few other things in life that I also wished had worked out differently than they did or currently are developing, but I still think I have other things to look forward to that should out-weigh the things I miss. However, I don’t feel that they do and I am still in this state where so much seems to stand still around me.
In the midst of all this, there is one area in my life where I actually feel like I am going somewhere in. From about mid-January me and one of my close friends that I live with both decided to take some serious action to shape up in areas where we have noticed that we lack character or discipline in. We both wrote a contract on a piece of paper what we wanted the other person to hold us accountable for and then we both signed the contracts, promising the other person to hold him accountable for working towards a better character and more discipline.
Something that I admittedly have severely been lacking in from time to time and never really had a good habit of doing is to intentionally spend time before God as a daily activity. I would also add to this that I never had a good daily habit to read the bible. So starting this January I committed to get up shortly before 6 am every morning so that at 6 am sharp I will be sitting in the living room reading and praying for at least 30 minutes. To say the least, this new habit has radically changed my life to the better.
Relationships can grow for several reasons and there are many factors that come into play when one wants to build a close relationship with someone else. One of these things is to spend quality time with this person you wish to get closer to. This is also true with God. Spending intentional time with him for the sake of being with him and getting closer to him will change your relationship. A new love for Jesus has been awakened in me because I continuously draw closer to him.
One of the greatest things I have realized about relating to God through this habit is that I now do not need to feel any shame or guilt to go to God when I find myself in need of His forgiveness. Let me explain: I can feel bad about trying to connect with him mainly when I desperately need him. I many times fall into not investing in our relationship when I feel like things are going well or when I feel like I don’t need his emmediate comfort. I then seem to use our relationship only on my terms. God becomes secondary when I only go to him when I need him to forgive me. It is as if I go along in life minding my own busyness until I mess up and that I then suddenly desperately need him again. (This is of course on the extreme of things and not exactly a very accurate picture what has been going on in my life the last year or so up till January.)
However, now when I on a daily basis invest in my relationship with Jesus, whether it is a good day or bad, whether I’m feeling down or full of joy, whether I have sinned or done something well, I am confident that I can come to him just as I am in any emotional state or situation without feeling guilty for only trying to connect when I need my sins forgiven. I feel this way now because I know that I spend time with him in good times and bad and not mainly when I feel like crap. What has resulted from this is a confidence and a new sense of freedom in coming into the presence of the Lord of the universe, the savior from death, my God.
So, even though there certainly are some things I wished had turned out differently in my life, I rejoice over that I am drawing closer to Jesus. The relationship I have with him us the ultimate focus I ought to have in life because he is the one who can satisfy my inner desires and is the only one who can fulfill me to be the person I was created to be. Although life around me seems to stand still at times I am actually really excited about just being with him every morning and letting him be my satisfaction. I am convicted that I am here, doing what I do, studying what I study and so forth, simply because he has arranged it to be so. Therefore, since these things are good, I choose to focus on investing in my relationship to him because out of this relationship everything else will come, whatever that may be.
I have many times been warned that in this program in particular, when studying machines day in and day out, that taking time for one’s spiritual wellbeing can very easily get low priority. It is unfortunate that this so many times is the case. I am very glad to discover now though that it is my relationship with Christ that now, and in actuality always, is the one fulfilling thing in my life. Without him I would not be here studying missionary aviation in the first place. He is the source of which everything good that I want to take part of comes from. Therefore it is always good to draw close to him in every situation.
I would therefore encourage you, dear reader, to do the same or something similar as I. Come to Jesus in every situation and I believe you will get to know him on a completely new level.